8/11/2023 0 Comments Allison raskin fiance![]() I have become hooked on the feeling of accomplishment. The “productively loop” will tell me I should make sure I get all the laundry done or wipe the table another time. But sometimes I’m just at home and even, though I am no longer “working” on homework or my career, there is still the pull to be domestically productive. I find this to be a great approach when there is something fun to do. This is a well-proven tactic called behavioral activation, where you force yourself to do stuff even when you don’t necessarily want to because chances are you’ll feel better once you’re doing it. (Singing is always a good sign when it comes to my mental health!) Instead of beating myself up about my lingering bad mood, I had chosen to go out and do something I historically enjoy. I had gone out for a long walk with my fiancé and dogs and found myself singing a little ditty about fizzy, hoppy tea. This realization came to me about two hours later when I noticed I was finally having a good time-despite my earlier fear that enjoyment was no longer in my repertoire. And it’s okay if it takes me a bit of time to settle into that. It’s not like finishing one paper meant I was now officially retired. I still have a lot on my plate and I am still worried about all the other upcoming assignments in my classes. But now I’m understanding that hoping for that kind of automatic switch is unrealistic. When it didn’t happen, I sunk more into the bad feelings. I was waiting to be flooded with good energy. I felt myself get annoyed that I wasn’t excited to be done with work on Sunday. So, what does that work look like? It begins with changing my expectations. In an ironic twist, it’s become another thing I need to work on. But that doesn’t make it easier in practice to turn my brain from “work mode” to “relax mode.” That transition, at least right now, is no longer something that seamlessly happens on its own. I know, intellectually, that my output does not define my value. We live in a society that overly values accomplishments and often blames people’s struggles on not working hard enough (while conveniently ignoring the systemic issues that are at the root of most problems). The pressure to always feel productive is not a unique feeling. All this work and anxiety around work has thrust me into what I’m going to call a “productivity loop,” where I feel like if I’m not being productive, I am doing something wrong. I’m finding myself having to work most days of the week as I meticulously plan out when and how I am going to get everything done. This means my normal schedule of working during the weekdays and taking off the weekends has gone out the window. ![]() Instead, I didn’t really know what to do with myself.įor the past few months, I’ve had more work than normal as I juggle career commitments and school. and I still had a good amount of my Sunday to relax and unwind. ![]() You would think the moment I finished I’d be flooded with relief. The whole process filled me with fear that I wasn’t smart enough and anger that I had to do something that made me feel so terrible. The assignment had been hanging over my head for a week as I tried my best to understand confusing peer reviewed journal articles and synthesize research findings into original and thoughtful takeaways. You've helped me so much in processing the difficult things that I've been going through this year you put into words a lot of the feelings that I've had, and it made me feel way less alone.On Sunday morning, I woke up and finally finished a literature review for my research methods grad school class. And learning lessons from something, doesn't mean that you needed to learn it how and when you did - it just means you learned it! And I don't think it means it was the right or the wrong decision all those years ago - I just think it means that people are resilient, and can strive to make peace and happiness within their lives, despite all the terrible things that might happen to them. If something terrible happens, and then years down the line you are happier than you've ever been, I don't take that as a sign that everything that happened before needed to happen in order for you to get there. This is excellent! It's so wild after events like this, how often people will try to impress their worldview on what you went through in my experience, it seems like we all really struggle to believe and accept that bad things happen and can happen without a necessary lesson or reason. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |